i should stop worrying. seriously… everything is going to be fine. i just need to relax more. just chill. if only that weren’t the hardest thing to ever do.
i searched and i searched, but i couldn’t find him. i asked multiple people, hoping that someone would give me a clue as to where he went. no one knew. after a little while, i stepped outside. i tried looking for his car…. it was gone. i walked down the street, hoping that i would find him and the car somewhere close by. i walked for twenty-five minutes, thinking maybe he came...
i talked about it out loud for the first time. to say, “on a scale of 1 to 10, I like him like a 75…” was pretty intense. felt good though.
i want to be out there… enjoying the cloudy weather. passing people by on the street. feeling productive and being a citizen of my universe. but today, i can’t. i’m tired of putting on a face. i’m tired of acting like i’m fine. i’m tired of pretending everything is okay. and so, i won’t. :)
so i'm in love, right?
i’ve finally realized that the reason i feel the way i do about him…. it’s all because i’m in love with him. truly. madly. deeply. strongly. unconditionally. irrevocably. forever-ly. like, no matter what happens in my life… no matter how my day goes… no matter what bullshit i have to deal with… thinking about him makes me happy. and yet i can cry just...
“my body is the hurricane, my heart an unsteady sea that reaches through the depths of my soul. i make landfall, wasting my energy on that which is not mine and never was. “why must a be so forceful?” i ask. “why must harm and be hurt in return?” and with a gust, i sigh. i dissipate, never to be seen again, and remembered for the damage i’ve done.” ...